the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
