Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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