there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
