I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize