Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
