just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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