I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
