me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
