if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
