My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
