the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Randomize