Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize