After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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