You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
