Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
