y did u give ur computer a hand job?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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