im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
