I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize