god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
