I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Randomize