You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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