when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize