dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
