The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
