I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
