just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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