i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
