just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
