my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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