Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
That accounts for only three of the penises
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
