JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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