a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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