We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
