I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
