We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
