NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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