just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
