maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
