i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
