party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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