mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I don't deserve a penis
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
