I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
