You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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