if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
