so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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