Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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