My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
