I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
