I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
