My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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