Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
