I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
