twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
