I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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