I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize