You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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