Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
