fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
