I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
