but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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