Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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