Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
