Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize