You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
