I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize