Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
