you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize