so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I think a kid would responsible me up
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
