I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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