i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
