i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
