I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
