A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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