doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
pray to the hookup gods
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Oh god it's open bar.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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