i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
