I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
