how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
whose ass print is on the piano?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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