last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize