Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He passed out mid-signature
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
