just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
