I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Panties = found
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
