I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize