Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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