I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
