im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
