I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
