So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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