Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
