He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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